Читать интересную книгу Чистый nonsense (сборник) - Эдвард Лир

These subjects are not final, but subject to change – as the convulsed caterpillar said as he was a turning into a Chrysalis.

Эти вещи не являются окончательными, но подвержены изменениям – как говорила конвульсирующая гусеница, превращаясь в Куколку.

I can’t write much. Am all over eduneyyers in my AT illustrations, which I hope to bubblish some day – in a series of 10 to 20, but to be had separately, – as the centipede said of his 100 legs when they kept dropping off as he walked through the raspberry jam dish and the legs stuck in the juice.

Я не могу писать много. Я весь с головой в моих иллюстрациях, кои надеюсь однажды обуббликовать – сериями по 10–20, но по отдельности, – как говорила многоножка о своих 100 ногах, которые отваливались, когда она шла по блюду малинового варенья, а ноги увязали в сиропе.

As for myself, I am sitting up today for the first time – partly dressed as the cucumber said when oil & vinegar were poured over him salt & pepper being omitted.

Что касается меня, то я нынче впервые засиделся допоздна – частично одетый, как сказал огурец, когда его полили маслом и уксусом, а солью и перцем не посыпали.

I may not have thyme later, as the busy bee said when the snail urged him to lie in bed.

Может статься, познее у меня не будет время, как говорил деловитый пчёл, когда улит убеждал его полежать в постели.

… one oughtn't to judge harshly, as the chaffinch said when he heard the snail call the Hedgehog a cursed old pincushion.

… следует воздерживаться от категорических суждений, как сказал зяблик, услыхав, что улит называет Ежа мерзкой старой подушечкой для иголок.

I fear I have only the alternative before me of beginning & executing the whole zoo over again, or of giving up my 40 years work, altogether a disgust & humiliation I shrink from, as the snail said when they showed him the salt cellar.

Боюсь, что передо мной единственная альтернатива – снова начать и довести до конца весь зоопарк, либо зачеркнуть 40 лет работы, в общем, испытываю отвращение и унижение, как сказала улитка, когда ей показали солонку.

“A Pessimistic Conversation”

Setting out for India in 1873, Edward Lear met a German Pessimist who sought to advise him on the spectacles he should wear. The following conversation took place:

G. P. You vear spectagles alvays?

E. L. Yes.

G. P. They vill all grack in India; von pair no use.

E. L. But I have many pairs.

G. P. How many?

E. L. Twenty or thirty.

G. P. No good. They vill all grack. You should have got of silver.

E. L. But I have several of silver.

G. P. Dat is no use; they vill rust; you might got gold.

E. L. But I have some of gold.

G. P. Dat is more vorse; gold is alvays stealing.

End of conversation

«Пессимистический диалог»

Отправляясь в Индию в 1873 году, Эдвард Лир повстречал Германского Пессимиста, который дал ему рекомендации по ношению очков. Произошел следующий разговор:

Г. П. Ви носить очки фсегда?

Э. Л. Да.

Г. П. Они фсе ломать в Индия; один пар не есть польза.

Э. Л. Но у меня много пар.

Г. П. Сколько?

Э. Л. Двадцать или тридцать.

Г. П. Не есть карашо. Они фсе ломать. Ви должен иметь серебра.

Э. Л. Но у меня есть несколько пар из серебра.

Г. П. То не есть польза; они ржафеть; ви может добыть солото.

Э. Л. Но у меня есть и золотые.

Г. П. То есть более хуше; солото фсегда воруй.

Конец диалога

A Moral Fable

Once upon a time three poor students, all very near-sighted, and each possessing a single pair of horn-rimmed spectacles, set out to walk to a remote university, for the purpose of competing for a professorship.

On the way, while sleeping by the road-side, a thief stole their three pairs of horn-rimmed spectacles.

Waking, their distress was great: they stumbled, they fell, they lost their way; and night was at hand, when they met a pedlar.

‘Have you any spectacles?’ said the three miserable students.

‘Yes,’ said the pedlar, ‘exactly three pairs; but they are set in gold; and with magnificent workmanship; in fact, they were made for the king, and they cost so much – …’

‘Such a sum,’ said the students, ‘is absurd; it is nearly as much as we possess.’

‘I cannot,’ the pedlar replied, ‘take less; but here is an ivory-handled frying pan which I can let you have for a trifling sum, and I strongly recommend you to buy it because it is such an astonishing bargain, and you may never again chance to meet with a similarly joyful opportunity.’

Said the eldest of the three students, ‘I will grope my way on as I eal. It is ridiculous to buy a pair of this man’s spectacles at such a price.’

‘And I,’ said the second, ‘am determined to buy the ivory-handled frying pan; it costs little, and will be very useful, and I may never again have such an extraordinary bargain.’

But the youngest of the three, undisturbed by the laughter of the two others, bought the gold-rimmed sumptuous spectacles, and was soon out of sight.

Thereon, No. 1 set off slowly, but, falling into a ditch, by reason of his blindness, broke his leg, and was carried back, by a charible passer-by in a cart, to his native town.

No. 2 wandered on, but lost his way inextricably, and, after much suffering, was obliged to sell his ivory-handled frying pan at a great loss, to enable him to return home.

No. 3 reached the University, gained the prize, and was made Professor of Grumphiology, with a house and fixed salary, and lived happily ever after.

Moral. – To pay much for what is most useful, is wiser than to pay little for what is not so.

Нравоучительная басня

Однажды трое бедных студентов, все очень близорукие, причём каждый обладал единственной парой очков в роговой оправе, отправились пешком в удалённый университет, с целью соискания профессорской должности.

В пути, когда они спали у обочины дороги, вор украл все три пары их роговых очков.

Пробудившись, они предались великой скорби: они спотыкались, они падали, они сбивались с пути; а когда приблизилаь ночь, они повстречали коробейника.

«Нет ли у вас очков?» – спросили трое несчастных студентов.

«Есть, – сказал коробейник, – ровно три пары; но они в золотой оправе, весьма искусно изготовленной; собственно, они были сделаны для короля, и стоят они столько-то…»

«Такая сумма, – сказали студенты, – абсурдна; это почти столько, сколько у нас есть».

«Я не могу, – ответил коробейник, – взять меньше; но вот сковорода с ручкой из слоновой кости, которую я могу уступить вам за бесценок, и я настоятельно рекомендую вам купить её, ибо это такая удивительная сделка, какие выпадают не чаще одного раза в жизни».

Старший из трёх студентов сказал: «Я буду прокладывать путь наощупь. Нелепо покупать пару очков у этого человека за такие деньги».

«А я, – сказал второй, – полон решимости купить сковороду с ручкой из слоновой кости; она и стоит немного, и будет очень полезна, а мне никогда в жизни больше не подвернётся такая необыкновенная сделка».

Младший же из троих, не обращая внимания на смех двух товарищей, купил роскошные очки в золотой оправе и вскоре скрылся из виду.

После чего № 1 медленно тронулся, но, упав в канаву по причине слепоты, сломал ногу и был доставлен в повозке сердобольным проезжим в родной город.

№ 2 медленно брёл, но заплутал и окончательно сбился с пути и после долгих мытарств вынужден был продать свою сковороду с ручкой из слоновой кости с большим ущербом для себя, что позволило ему вернуться домой.

№ 3 добрался до университета, получил стипендию и занял должность профессора Грамфиологии, с домом и хорошим жалованьем, и жил себе долго и счастливо.

Мораль. Платить много за то, что наиболее полезно, мудрее, чем платить мало за то, что наоборот.

Eclogue

Composed at Cannes, December 9th, 1867

(Interlocutors – Mr. Lear and Mr. and Mrs. Symonds.)

Edwardus – What makes you look so black, so glum, so cross?Is it neuralgia, headache, or remorse?

Johannes – What makes you look as cross, or even more so?Less like a man than is a broken Torso?

E – What if my life is odious, should I grin?If you are savage, need I care a pin?

J – And if I suffer, am I then an owl?May I not frown and grind my teeth and growl?

E – Of course you may; but may not I growl too!May I not frown and grind my teeth like you!

J – See Catherine comes! To her, to her,Let each his several miseries refer;She shall decide whose woes are least or worst,And which, as growler, shall rank last or first.

Catherine – Proceed to growl, in silence I'll attend,And hear your foolish growlings to the end;And when they're done, I shall correctly judgeWhich of your griefs are real or only fudge.Begin, let each his mournful voice prepare,(And pray, however angry, do not swear!)

J – We came abroad for warmth, and find sharp cold!Cannes is an imposition, and we're sold.

E – Why did I leave my native land, to findSharp hailstones, snow, and most disgusting wind?

J – What boots it that we orange trees or lemons see,If we must suffer from such vile inclemency?

E – Why did I take the lodgings I have got,Where all I don't want is: – all I want not?

J – Last week I called alout, O! O! O! O!The ground is wholly overspread with snow!Is that at any rate a theme for mirthWhich makes a sugar-cake of all the earth?

E – Why must I sneeze and snuffle, groan and cough,If my hat's on my head, or if it's off?Why must I sink all poetry in this prose,The everlasting blowing of my nose?

J – When I walk out the mud my footsteps clogs,Besides, I suffer from attacks of dogs.

E – Me a vast awful bulldog, black and brown,Completely terrified when near the town;As calves perceiving butchers, trembling reel,So did my calves the approaching monster feel.

J – Already from two rooms we're driven away,Because the beastly chimneys smoke all day;Is this a trifle, say? Is this a joke?That we, like hams, should be becooked in smoke?

E – Say, what avails it that my servant speaksItalian, English, Arabic, and Greek,Besides Albanian; if he don't speak French,How can I ask for salt, or shrimps, or tench?

J – When on the foolish hearth fresh wood I place,It whistles, sings, and squeaks, before my face;And if it does unless the fire burns bright,And if it does, yet squeaks, how can I write?

E – Alas! I needs must go and call on swells,That they may say, ‘Pray draw me the Estrelles.’On one I went last week to leave a card,The swell was out – the servant eyed me hard:‘This chap's a thief disguised,’ his face expressed:If I go there again, may I be blest!

J – Why must I suffer in this wind and gloom!Roomattics in a vile cold attic room?

E – Swells drive about the road with haste and fury;As Jehu drove about all over Jewry.Just now, while walking slowly, I was all butRun over by the Lady Emma Talbot,Whom not long since a lovely babe I knew,With eyes and cap-ribbons of perfect blue.

J – Downstairs and upstairs, every blessed minute,There's each room with pianofortes in it.How can I write with noises such as those?And, being always discomposed, compose?

E – Seven Germans through my garden lately strayedAnd all on instruments of torture played:They blew, they screamed, they yelled: how can I paintUnless my room is quiet, which it ain't?

J – How can I study if a hundred fliesEach moment blunder into both my eyes?

E – How can I draw with green or blue or red,If flies and beetles vex my old bald head?

J – How can I translate German Metaphys —– Ics, if mosquitoes round my forehead whizz?

E – I've bought some bacon (Though it's much too fat),But round the house there prowls a hideous cat;Once should I see my bacon in her mouth,What care I if my rooms look north or south?

J – Pain from a pane in one cracked window comes,Which sings and whistles, buzzes, shrieks and hums;In vain amain with pain the pane with this chordI fain would strain to stop the beastly dischord!

E – If rain and wind and snow and such like illsContinue here, how shall I pay my bills?For who through cold and slush and rain will comeTo see my drawings and to purchase some?And if they don't, what destiny is mine?How can I ever get to Palestine?

J – The blinding sun strikes through the olive trees,When I walk out, and always makes me sneeze.

E – Next door, if all night long the moon is shining,There sits a dog, who wakes me up with whining.

Cath. – Forbear! You both are bores, you've growled enough:No longer will I listen to such stuff!All men have nuisances and bores to afflict 'um;Hark then, and bow to my official dictum!For you, Johannes, there is most excuse,(Some interruptions are the very deuce),You're younger than the other cove, who surelyMight have some sense – besides, you're somewhat poorly.This therefore is my sentence, that you nurseThe Baby for seven hours, and nothing worse.For you, Edwardus, I shall say no moreThan that your griefs are fudge, yourself a bore;Return at once to cold, stewed, minced, hashed mutton —To wristbands ever guiltless of a button —To raging winds and sea (where don't you wishYour luck may ever let you catch one fish?) —

To make large drawings nobody will buy —To paint oil pictures which will never dry —To write new books which nobody will read —To drink weak tea, on tough old pigs to feed —Till spring-time brings the birds and leaves and flowers,And time restores a world of happier hours.

Эклога