Читать интересную книгу Чистый nonsense (сборник) - Эдвард Лир

The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker and the Tongs

I

The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and the Tongs,They all took a drive in the Park,And they each sang a song, Ding-a-dong, Ding-a-dong,Before they went back in the dark.Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach,Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash,Miss Shovel was all dressed in black (with a brooch),Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash).Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong!And they all sang a song!

II

'O Shovel so lovely! the Poker he sang,'You have perfectly conquered my heart!'Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song,'I will feed you with cold apple tart!'When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,'You enrapture my life with delight!'Your nose is so shiny! your head is so round!'And your shape is so slender and bright!'Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong!'Ain't you pleased with my song?

III

'Alas! Mrs. Broom! sighed the Tongs in his song,'O is it because I'm so thin,'And my legs are so long – Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong!'That you don't care about me a pin?'Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,'Ah! why don't you heed my complaint!'Must you need be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,'Because you are covered with paint?'Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong!'You are certainly wrong!

IV

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,'What nonsense you're singing today!Said the Shovel, 'I'll certainly hit you a bang!Said the Broom, 'And I'll sweep you away!So the Coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,Perceiving their anger with pain;But they put on the kettle and little by little,They all became happy again.Ding-a-dong! Ding-a-dong!There's an end of my song!

Лопата, щипцы, кочерга и метла

I

Лопата, Щипцы, Кочерга и МетлаПоехали на променад.Распевали в пути: «Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла»,Лишь в потёмках вернувшись назад.Господин Кочерёг – строен, прям и пригож,Мистер Щипц – дребезжал тенорком,Мисс Лопата – вся в чёрном (изящная брошь),А Метла – в голубом (с пояском).Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла!Песня вольно текла!

II

«Лопатка, о златко, – пропел Кочерёг, —Заточили вы сердце в острог!Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла, коли песня мила,Будем яблочный кушать пирог!Вы сгребаете угли, поя «ла-ла-ла», —Жизнь моя восхищенья полна!Ваш носик сияет, головка кругла,И фигурка тонка и стройна!Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла!Песня вам не мила?»

III

Вздыхал мистер Щипц: «Леди, миссис Метла,Оттого ль, что ужасно я тощ,Ноги, как вертела – динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла! —Вы меня и не ставите в грош?Ах, дивная фея, метя пыль и сор,Ах, как же вы глухи к мольбам!Оттого ли суров и жесток приговор,Что бесцветность неведома вам?Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла!Вы неправы, Метла!»

IV

Мисс Лопата и миссис Метла пели так:«Не слыхали мы песни глупей!»И Лопата: «Примите хороший тумак!»А Метла: «Выметайтесь живей!»Кучер этаких сцен не видал на векуИ лошадок погнал во весь дух;Дома, сев к огоньку и хлебнувши чайку,Как-то все успокоились вдруг.Динь-динь-дон, ла-ла-ла!Песня вся утекла!

The Table and the Chair

I

Said the Table to the Chair,'You can hardly be aware,'How I suffer from the heat,'And from chilblains on my feet!'If we took a little walk,'We might have a little talk!'Pray let us take the air!Said the Table to the Chair.

II

Said the Chair to the table,'Now you know we are not able!'How foolishly you talk,'When you know we cannot walk!Said the Table with a sigh,'It can do no harm to try,'I've as many legs as you,'Why can't we walk on two?

III

So they both went slowly down,And walked about the townWith a cheerful bumpy sound,As they toddled round and round.And everybody cried,As they hastened to the side,'See! the Table and the Chair'Have come out to take the air!

IV

But in going down an alley,To a castle in a valley,They completely lost their way,And wandered all the day,Till, to see them safely back,They paid a Ducky-quack,And a Beetle, and a Mouse,Who took them to their house.

V

Then they whispered to each other,'O delightful little brother!'What a lovely walk we've taken!'Let us dine on Beans and Bacon!So the Ducky and the leetleBrowny-Mousy and the BeetleDined and danced upon their headsTill they toddled to their beds.

Стол и Стул

I

Стулу Стол признался как-то:«От тебя не скрою факта:Исстрадался от жары,От мороза и хандры!Вот бы погулять вдвоём,Поболтать о том о сём!Ах, пойдём скорей, молю!И отказа не стерплю».

II

Стул Столу сказал в ответ:«Знаешь ведь, что ходу нет!Что же глупость городить:Не умеем мы ходить!»Стол, не подавляя вздоха:«Всё ж попробовать неплохо,Восемь ножек на двоих —На двоих пошли своих?»

III

Вниз вразвалочку спустилисьИ по городу пустились —Ножек гулкий перестукРассыпается вокруг.Зря процессию такую,Все бежали врассыпную:«Ох, и чудные дела —Мебель из дому ушла!»

IV

Продвигаясь по аллееК замку белого белее,Перепутали пути,Сутки проплутав почти.Глядь – навстречу Кря-утёнок,Жу-жучок и Пи-мышонок,Те, понятно, не бесплатно,Отвели друзей обратно.

V

Дома Стол и Стул на ушкиВсё шептали дружка дружке:«Как я рад, о милый брат!Был прекрасен променад!»И обед – бекон с бобами —Разделив с тремя гостями,В пляс пошли вниз головойИ в постель – на боковой.

Nonsense Stories

Бестолковые истории

The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round the World

Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose names were Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel; and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes; and when they set off, they only took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook dinner and make the tea; for which purposes they took a large kettle.

For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish, and they only had to take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-Wangle instantly cooked them, and the Pussy-cat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased on the whole, so that all the party were very happy.

During the daytime, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt-water into the churn, while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter, which it seldom, if ever did; and in the evening they all retired into the Tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the boat.

After a time they saw some land at a distance; and when they came to it, they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent isthmusses with a great Gulf-stream running about all over it, so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high.

When they had landed, they walked about, but found to their great surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets and chocolate-drops, and nothing else.

So they all climbed up the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were any people; but having remained on the top of the tree for a week, and not seeing anybody, they naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants, and accordingly when they came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and a million of chocolate drops, and these afforded them sustenance for more than a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmost delight and apathy.

After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five great red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-cat and the Quangle-Wangle crept softly and bit off the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five parrots, for which Violet reproved them both severely.

Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers, two hundred and sixty in number, in her bonnet, thereby causing it to have a lovely and glittering appearance, highly prepossessing and efficacious.

The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go no further; so they remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were Soles, and all ready-cooked and covered with shrimp sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes that remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the Arctic Bears and the Tropical Turnspits which frequented the neighbourhood in great numbers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium drops to them, through which kindness they became quite warm and slept soundly.

Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense Orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the Tea-kettle, intending to gather some of the Oranges and place them in it. But while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the Parrot-tail feathers from Violet’s bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity of the Oranges falling down on their heads by millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them all so seriously that they were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives, besides that the sound of the Oranges rattling on the Tea-kettle was of the most fearful and amazing nature.

Nevertheless they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle’s right foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week.

This event made them all for a time rather melancholy, and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not Lionel with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance, continued to stand on one leg and whistle to them in a loud and lively manner, which diverted the whole party so extremely, that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that whenever they should reach home they would subscribe towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of Gingerbread and Raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and grateful infection.

After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another country, where they were much pleased and surprised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating Custard Pudding with the most satisfactory and polite demeanour.

And as the four Travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating nothing but Soles and Oranges for so long a period, they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for some of their Pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was agreed therefore that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which he immediately did; and the result was that they gave a Walnut-shell only half full of Custard diluted with water. Now, this displeased Guy, who said, ‘Out of such a lot of Pudding as you have got, I must say you might have spared a somewhat larger quantity!’ But no sooner had he finished speaking than all the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an appalling and vindictive manner, (and it is impossible to imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than that caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry Mice,) so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied his cap into the middle of the Custard Pudding, by which means he completely spoiled the Mice’s dinner.