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She could see it in his eyes, the itchy anxiety that worsened until he made a trip to the bathroom and returned with a look of serenity. But then hed disarmed her by admitting it, that first night too. Theyd seen a lot of each other after that, and within a month Julia had made a deal with herself. If she could get Tim cleanreally cleanthen she would take a chance on him. And to her surprise, she had succeeded. Nothing in her life had been tougher, but shed set her whole being on seeing him through to sobriety, and shed done it.
The results were miraculous. Tim quit working the boat his druggie friends patronized, hired on with the new outfit, and began working every shift the Magnolia Queen would give him. Hed even talked his father into giving him a loan for a small house, and in his off hours began fixing it up himself, sawing and hammering like a born carpenter, not a privileged surgeons son. Julia watched HGTV every chance she got, ripped up the stained carpet of the previous owners, and refinished the hardwood underneath. Installed the bathroom tiles too. Her pregnancy was something they kept to themselves, a treasure they hugged together in the cocoon of their changing house, until theyd gone so far down the road to normalcy that people wouldn't roll their eyes when she revealed it. By the time she began to show, the change in perception had begun. Even Tims father had warmed to her, in his own way. Some days, in the early mornings, or late at night, she would see his silver Mercedes glide past on the lane outside, and shed know he was checking his sons progress. When the baby finally came, perfect and round and without flaw because Julia had taken acyclovir for the last month, every pill at the exact moment she was supposed to, the transformation was complete. She could hardly believe this was her life, that by sheer force of will and faith in herself and her husband she could bring goodness out of fear and regret. But she had done it.
If only Tims evolution had stopped there .
As her husband slowly regained the bearings hed lost during his early twenties, hed begun to experience a kind of emotional fallout. His memory, which had blocked out so much during his lost years, began to fill in the gaps, and waves of guilt and regret would assail him. Tim rediscovered God, which might have been all right had he not acted like a religious convert, more zealous than those born into the faith. He saw choices starkly, as either right or wrong, and despite his own past he judged those who didn't measure up to his idea of ethical responsibility. It wasn't a moral prissinesshe didn't condemn people for the common human lapsesbut he began to obsess about the big things in life. Politics. Organized religion. The diamond brokers in Sierra Leone, the starving children in the Sudan, the good Muslims in Iraq. The uneducated blacks right here in Mississippi.
And then it happened. Exactly what, Julia didn't know. But it was something at work. Tim had witnessed something terrible, or overheard something, and from that night forward hed been a man possessed. With each passing week hed grown more withdrawn, more irritable, to the point that she feared hed begun using again. But it wasn't that. Tim had apparently discovered something that so outraged him he felt compelled to right the wrong himself. And that terrified her. Tim wasn't the kind of man to take on that kind of trouble. He was smart, and he was good-hearted, but he wasn't hard inside, the way her first husband had been. Tim had illusions about people; he wanted them to be better than they were, and you couldn't fight evil men if you thought that way. You couldn't win, anyway. Julia had lived enough life to know that.
The only thing that had given her any comfort was Tim telling her that Penn Cage would be helping him. Julia had known Penn in high school too. Shed even kissed him once, beside a car one night at a senior party that she and a friend had sneaked off to. Penn Cage wasn't like Tim. He wasn't timid or uncertain; he made decisions and stuck with them, and life had worked out for him. It wasn't as if he hadn't suffered; hed lost his wife to cancer; but everybody paid for the things they got, some way or other. You had to pay just for being alive.
And that, Julia guessed, was what Tim was trying to do. He wanted to make up for all the years he had wasted, for all the things he could have accomplished and had not. It wasn't for her, she knew, and this both relieved and wounded her. Shed done all she could to prove to Tim that he owed her nothingnothing except all the time he could give to her and the baby. But that wasn't enough for him. Tims obsession was rooted in his relationship with his father. He felt he had betrayed his father as well as himself, and something was driving him to prove that he was in fact the man his father had dreamed he might one day become.
Julia hopes Tim wasn't lying about Penn, that he didn't simply tell her whatever he thought would quiet her while he went off to God-knew-where to earn the right to feel good about himself again. And so she waits, and watches her baby, and prays that someone will take the cross from her husbands back and carry it for him. For in the inmost chamber of her heart Julia is certain that if Tim goes on alone, he will die before finding the salvation he seeks.
CHAPTER
5
I should probably drive straight home from the cemetery, but as Tim predicted, I cannot free my mind from the terrible images in his photographs. Instead, I drive up Linton Avenue, turn on Madison Street, and cruise past the newspaper building, where my old lover once worked as publisher. While Caitlin Masters lived in Natchez, everything she could uncover and verify about the city was printed in the paper. Now, despite the fact that her father still owns the Examiner, much of the investigative fire seems to have gone out of the staff. If Caitlin were still here, I suspect, the rumors that Tim fleshed out tonight would already be halfway to the front page.
I turn on State Street and negotiate a series of right angles on the citys notorious one-way streets, checking for a tail as I make my way to City Hall. The cop at the cemetery proved easy enough to handle, but I'm not sure he bought my explanation of visiting my wifes grave. He kept glancing over my shoulder as though he expected a half-dressed woman to appear from among the gravestones beyond the cemetery wall. Of course, he might also have been searching for Tim Jessup, and thats why I'm keeping my eyes on my rearview mirror as I drive. Id like to know just how interested the police are in my movements.
Unlike most Mississippi towns, Natchez has no central square dominated by a courthouse or a Confederate soldier on a pillar. The
lifeblood of this city has always been the river, and the stately old commercial blocks platted in 1790 march away from it as though with regret, toward onetime plantations now mostly subdivided into residential neighborhoods. City Hall faces Pearl Street and abuts the county courthouse at the rear. The courthouse is the larger of the two buildings, but people often see them as a single structure, since only a narrow alley separates them.
Parking before the cream-colored stone of City Hall, I walk beneath hundred-year-old oaks to the main entrance. The building is usually locked by 5:00 p.m., but the chandelier in the foyer blazes like the ballroom of the Titanic, and I use its light to find the proper key on my ring. A couple of years before I was elected mayor, the previous board of selectmen awarded me a key to the city. This token of recognition didn't mean much at the timeit was the kind of honor you might dream about as a kid watching a Disney moviebut tonight, unlocking City Hall with the actual key to the building, I feel the crushing weight of my responsibility to the people who elected me.
Upstairs, in my office, I kneel before my safe and open its combination lock. The few sensitive documents I deal with as mayor reside in this safe, among them my file on the Golden Parachute Gaming Corporation, the Los Angelesbased company that owns the Magnolia Queen.
Feeling strangely furtive, I slip the thick file inside my button-down shirt before I walk downstairs and lock the door. With the file still tucked against my belly, I drive the ten blocks required to reach my home on Washington Street three blocks away, my eyes alert for police cars.
When I moved back to town, I had the morbid luck to arrive shortly before the patriarch of an old Natchez family died, which resulted in their family home coming up for sale after a century of benign neglect. I bought it the same day, and I've never regretted it. An elegant, two-story Federal town house of red brick, it stands at the center of one of the most beautiful enclaves of the city. Town houses of various styles and pedigrees stand along both sides of the street like impeccably dressed ladies and gentlemen from another era, gradually giving way to the Episcopal Church, the Temple Bnai Israel, Glen Auburna four-story French Second Empire mansionand Magnolia Hall, a massive Greek Revival mansion and the
headquarters of one of the once-powerful local garden clubs. The town houses aren't antebellum for the most part, but rather the dwellings of the merchants, lawyers, and physicians who prospered in Natchez in the Victorian era. The entire downtown length of Washington Street is lined with fuchsia-blooming crape myrtle trees, which are tended by ladies obsessively dedicated to their survival.
As I park and exit my car, a faint but steady glow from the second floor of the house across the street catches my eye. My stomach gives a little flip and I pause, trying to recall whether I've seen that light in the past few weeks. The question has some importance, for the house still belongs to Caitlin, though she hasn't lived in it for eighteen months, preferring to spend most of her time in Charlotte, North Carolina, where her fathers newspaper chain is based. But the house remains furnished, and she does not rent it out. Caitlin and I parted on good enough terms that I still possess a key, in theory so that should any kind of emergency befall the house, I could help the proper people to deal with it.
The reality is that for six of the past seven years, Caitlin and I lived as a couple. Her owning a house across the street from mine helped maintain the fiction that we were not living in sin, which people still say here, and only half-jokingly. Caitlin often spent the night when Annie was in the house, but Caitlins an early riser, and she was usually at work by the time Annie got up to get ready for school. As I remember those mornings now, something catches in my chest. Its been too long since I felt that relaxed intimacy, and I know my daughter misses it.
For most of the time we were together, Caitlin and I planned to marry. We took it for granted in the beginning, when we still believed that fate had brought us together. We met during the civil rights case that seized control of my life after I returned here, and before the resulting trial ended, wed discovered that though we were ten years apart in age and quite different on the surface, we were joined as inseparably as siblings beneath the skin. The only tension in our relationship developed later, when living and working in a small Southern town no longer felt charming to Caitlin, but rather like a prison. She was born and raised for the big canvas (her coverage of our case earned her a Pulitzer at twenty-eight), and while Natchez sometimes explodes into lethal drama, for the most part it remains a quiet river town, trapped in an eddy of time and history, changing almost imperceptibly when it changes at all.
My decision to run for mayor threw our differences into stark relief and ultimately made the relationship untenable. Caitlin came to Natchez as a flaming, Ivy League liberal with no experience of living in the South, but after five years here, shed developed ideas more racist than those of many good ol boys Id grown up with, and she was ready to get out. Our sharpest points of contention were (a) whether the city was worth saving, and (b) if so, was I the person to save it? Caitlin claimed that people get the government they deserve, and that Natchez didn't deserve me.
She did, in her view, and added the argument that Annie deserved a culturally richer childhood than she would have here. In short, Caitlin wanted me to leave my past behind. But true Southerners don't think that way. I was willing to risk being turned into a pillar of salt, if by so doing I could help renew the city and the land that had borne me. More than this, I believed that living closely with my parents would provide my daughter an emotional bedrock that no amount of cultural diversity would ever replace. In the end, I followed my conscience and my heritage, ensuring that my future marriage became the first casualty of my mayoral campaign. Caitlin criedas much for Annie as for usthen wished me well and went back to North Carolina, to the New South of glass office towers, boutique restaurants, and the Research Triangle. I stayed in the land of kudzu and Doric columns and bottleneck guitarsone short ride away from James Dickeys Land of Nine-Fingered People.
Theres no denying the light glowing softly through the curtain in the upper room across the way. But if Caitlin has returned to Natchez, shes most likely come back in some connection with the Balloon Festival. Still, something else might have influenced her unexpected appearance, and its worth considering. Ten days ago I ended my relationship with Libby Jensen, after seeing her for nearly a year. Was ten days sufficient time for that news to reach North Carolina? Of course. One e-mail from a gossipy Examiner employee would have done it, and a text message would be even faster. If Caitlin has returned, her timing is certainly suggestive.
The casino file has grown damp under my shirt by the time I climb the porch and reach for my front door. Before my hand touches the knob, the door squeaks open, startling me, and the tenth-grade honor student who babysits Annie speaks uncertainly through the crack.
Mr. Cage? Is everything okay?
Because of my experiences with Mia Burke, the senior who used to sit for Annie, I no longer allow babysitters to use my first name. Everythings fine, Carla. What about here?
She pulls back the door, revealing her blue-and-white jumper and eyes red from sleep or studying. Yeah. I was kind of scared, though. I heard the car stop, but then you didn't come in
I smile reassuringly and follow her inside, keeping the file pressed inside my shirt with my left hand while I dig for my wallet with my right. Having no idea how long I've been gone, I pull a couple of twenties and a ten from my billfold and give Carla permission to go with a wave.
Annie did all her homework, she says, slinging a heavy backpack over her slight shoulder. Papers written.
Did she do a good job?
Honestly? Carla laughs. That girl knows words I don't know. Id say shes about one year behind me, gradewise.
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