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Man! he says with a grin. At first I thought youd chickened out. I mean, shit.
As he shakes my hand, I marvel that at forty-five Jessup still sounds like a strung-out hippie. Youre the one whos late, aren't you?
He nods more times than necessary, a man wholl do anything to keep from being still. How does this guy deal blackjack all night?
I couldn't rush off the boat, he explains. I think they're watching me. I mean, they're always watching us. Everybody. But I think maybe they suspect something.
I want to ask whom hes talking about, but I assume hell get to that. I didn't see your car. Whered you come from?
A cagey smile splits the weathered face. I got ways, man. You got to be careful dealing with this class of people. Predators, I kid you not. They sense a threat, they react bam!
Tim claps his hands together. Pure instinct. Like sharks in the water. He glances back toward town. In fact, we ought to get behind some cover now. He gestures toward the three-foot-high masonry walls that enclose a nearby family plot. Just like high school, man. Remember smoking grass behind these walls? Sitting down so the cops couldn't see the glow of the roach?
I never got high with Tim during high school, but I see no reason to break whatever flow keeps him calm and talking. The sooner he tells me what he came to say, the sooner I can get out of here.
He vaults the wall with surprising agility, and I step over it after him, recalling with a chill the one memory of this place that I associate with Tim. Late one Halloween night a half dozen boys tossed our banana bikes over the wall and rode wildly through the narrow lanes, laughing hysterically until a pack of wild dogs chased us up into the oak trees near the third gate. Does Tim remember that?
With a last anxious look up Cemetery Road, he sits on the damp ground and leans against the mossy bricks in a corner where two walls meet. I sit against the adjacent wall, facing him at a right angle, my running shoes almost touching his weathered Sperrys. Only now do I realize that he must have changed clothes after work. The dealers uniform he usually wears on duty has been replaced by black jeans and a gray T-shirt.
Couldnt come out here dressed for work, he says, as though reading my mind. What he actually read, I realize, was my appraising glance. Clearly, all the drugs hes ingested over the years haven't yet ruined what always was a sharp mind.
I decide to dispense with small talk. You said some pretty scary things on the phone. Scary enough to bring me out here at this hour.
He nods, digging in his pocket for something that turns out to be a bent cigarette. Cant risk lighting it, he says, putting it between his lips, but its good to know I got it for the ride home. He grins once more before putting on a serious face. So, what had you heard before I called?
I don't want to repeat anything Tim hasn't already heard or seen himself. Vague rumors. Celebrities flying in to gamble, in and out fast. Pro athletes, rappers, like that. People who wouldn't normally come here.
You hear about the dogfighting?
My hope that the rumors are false is sinking fast. I've heard theres some of that going on. But it was hard to credit. I mean, I can see some rednecks down in the bottoms doing it, or out in the parishes across the river, but not high rollers and celebrities.
Tim sucks in his bottom lip. What else?
This time I don't answer. I've heard other rumors that prostitution and hard drugs are flourishing around the gambling trade, for example but these plagues have been with us always. Look, I don't want to speculate about things I don't know to be true.
You sound like a fucking politician, man.
I suppose thats what I've become, but I feel more like an attorney sifting the truth from an unreliable clients story. Why don't you just tell me what you know? Then I'll tell you how that fits with what I've heard.
Looking more anxious by the second, Jessup gives in to his nicotine urge at last. He produces a Bic lighter, which he flicks into flame and touches to the end of the cigarette, drawing air through the paper tube like someone sucking on a three-foot bong. He holds in the smoke for an alarming amount of time, then speaks as he exhales. You hear I got a kid now? A son.
Yeah, I saw him with Julia at the Piggly Wiggly a couple of weeks ago. Hes a great-looking boy.
Tims smile lights up his face. Just like his mom, man. Shes still a beauty, isnt she?
She is, I concur, speaking the truth. So what are we doing here, Timmy?
He still doesn't reply. He takes another long drag, cupping the cigarette like a joint. As I watch him, I realize that his hands are shaking, and not from the cold. His whole body has begun to shiver, and for the first time I worry that hes started using again.
Tim?
Its not what you think, bro. I've just been carrying this stuff around in my head for a while, and sometimes I get the shakes.
He's crying,
I realize with amazement.
He's wiping tears from his eyes.
I squeeze his knee to comfort him.
I'm sorry, he whispers. Were a long way from Mill Pond Road, aren't we?
Mill Pond Road is the street I grew up on. We sure are. Are you okay?
He stubs out his cigarette on a gravestone and leans forward, his eyes burning with passion I thought long gone from him. If I tell you more, theres no going back. You understand? I tell you what I know, you won't be able to sleep. I know you. Youll be like a pit bull yourself. You won't let it go.
Isn't that why you asked me here?
Jessup shrugs, his head and hands jittery again. I'm just telling you, Penn. You want to walk away, do it now. Climb over that wall and slide back down to your car. That's what a smart man would do.
I settle against the cold bricks and consider what I've heard. This is one of the ways fate comes for you. It can swoop darkly from a cloudless sky like my wifes cancer; or it can lie waiting in your path, obvious to any eyes willing to see it. But sometimes its simply a fork in the road, and rare is the day that a friend stands beside it, offering you the safer path. Its the oldest human choice:
comfortable ignorance or knowledge bought with pain?
I can almost hear Tim at his blackjack table on the
Magnolia Queen:
Hit or stay, sir? If only I had a real choice. But because I helped bring the Queen to Natchez, I don't.
Lets hear it, Timmy. I don't have all night.
Jessup closes his eyes and crosses himself. Praise God, he breathes. I don't know what I would have done if youd walked away. I'm way out on a limb here, man. And I'm totally alone.
I give him a forced smile. Lets hope my added weight doesn't break it off.
He takes a long look at me, then shifts his weight to raise one hip and slides something from his back pocket. It looks like a couple of
playing cards. He holds them out, palm down, the cards mostly concealed beneath his fingers.
Pick a card? I ask.
Theyre not cards. Theyre pictures. Theyre kind of blurry. Shot with a cell phone.
With a sigh of resignation I reach out and take them from his hand. I've viewed thousands of crime-scene photos in microscopic detail, so I don't expect to be shocked by whatever Tim Jessup has brought in his back pocket. But when he flicks his lighter into flame and holds it over the first photo, a wasplike buzzing begins in my head, and my stomach does a slow roll.
I know, he says quietly. Keep going. It gets worse.
CHAPTER
2
Linda Church lies beneath the man who pays her wages and tries to hide the fear behind her eyes. As he drives into her, his eyes burning, his forehead dripping sweat, she imagines she's a stone figure in a cathedral, with opaque eyes that reveal nothing. Linda reads fantasy novels during her off hours, and sometimes she imagines shes a character in a book, a noblewoman forced by a cruel twist of fate to do things she never thought she would. Things like that happened to heroines all the time. All her life (or since she was four years old and played the princess in her nursery-school play) Linda has searched for a real prince, for a gentle man who could lead her out of the thorny maze thats been her life ever since the other kind of man had his way with her. When she first met the man using her now, she believed that magical moment had finally come. Only a year shy of thirty (and with her looks still holding despite some rough treatment), Linda had finally been placed by fate in the path of a prince. He looked like a film actor, carried himself like a soldier, and best of all actually talked like a prince in the movies her grandmother used to watch. Like Cary Grant or Laurence Olivier or somebody.
But not even Cary Grant was Cary Grant. He was named Archie Leach or something, and though he was probably an okay guy, he wasn't who you thought he was, and that was the truth of life right there. Nothing was what you thought it was, because no one was who they pretended to be. Everybody wanted something, and men mostly wanted the same thing. If her prince had turned into a frog, she would at least have had the comfort of familiarity. But this story was different; this false prince had morphed into a serpent with needle-sharp fangs and sacs of poison loaded behind them. Linda now knew she was only one of twenty or thirty women hed slept with on the Magnolia Queen, and was probably still screwing, no matter what he claimed. With good-paying work so hard to find, who could afford to say no to him?
Whats your problem tonight? he grunted, still going at her without letup. Squeeze your pissflaps, woman, and give the lad something to work with.
She hates his voice most of all, because the beautiful way he speaks in public is just another cloak he wears to hide what lies beneath his skin, and behind those measuring eyes. He really is like a character in one of her books, but not a hero. Hes a shape-shifter, a demon who knows that the surest way into the souls of normal people is to appear to be exactly what they most want, to make them believe he sees them exactly as they wish to be seen. That was how hed snared Linda. Hed made her believe her most secret fantasies about herself, just long enough to make her willingly give herself, and then the mask had come off.
The horror of that night is graven on her soul like scar tissue. In the span of a few minutes, she saw what shed allowed inside her, and something in her withered away forever. It happened in this very room, a cavernlike hold in the bowels of the Magnolia Queen, one of the only two rooms on the casino boat without security cameras. Linda works upstairs in the bar called The Devils Punchbowl, but the women on the Queen call this off-limits room the real Devils Punchbowl. For its here that the demon inside her conducts all business that cannot stand the light of day. Here he brings card counters and other troublemakers, to strap them into the chair bolted to the floor in the middle of the room. Here he brings the women who endure what Linda suffered that night after the mask came off .
After hed gone, while she put herself together as best she could, shed told herself she would quit the boat. But when it came to it, she hadn't had the nerve. Partly it was the money, of course, and the insurance benefits. But it was also the minds ability to lie to itself. A familiar voice began telling her that she was mistaken, that shed misinterpreted some of the things hed done, that she had in fact asked for those things, if not verbally then by her actions. But each new visit brought further confirmation of her warning instincts, and the fear in her had grown. She wanted desperately to stop, to flee the Queen and the city, yet she didn't. This demon seemed to haveno, he had some strange power over her, so much that she was afraid to mention her predicament to anyone else. In rational moments, this made her furious. Surely she had an open-and-shut case for sexual harassment. Of course, he might argue that the relationship was consensual. Shes given him enthusiastic sex in several places on the boat, and except for his office and this room, every inch of the casino is covered by surveillance cameraseven the bathrooms, no matter what the law says.
Shes thought about asking some other girls to go to a lawyer with her, but that would be riskier than laying all her money down on one of the table games upstairs. Linda only knows about the other girls because shes heard a couple of the trashier ones talking about how they did a group thing with him and a big player from Hong Kong. Knowing that the man inside her now has been inside those other women makes her shudder, yet she doesn't cry out or try to throw him off. Why? A heroine in one of her novels would do just that: find a hatpin or a dagger and stab him in the back during his moment of greatest passion. But real life isnt like that. In real life that moment comes and goes, and when he rolls off of you, you feel like your soul has been ripped out by its bloody roots, leaving only a husk of what you were before.
That was the state shed been in when her true prince walked into her life. He wasn't riding a white charger or wearing a doublet or a wizards robe; he was wearing a blackjack dealers uniform, and watching her with an empathy that cut right through her hardened defenses. His eyes were the opposite of those burning above her now: soft and kind and infinitely understanding. And somehow, shed known, he had seen her torment before speaking to her. He didn't know the nature of it; that would have killed him, literally, for he would have tried to stop what was going on, and he is no match for the shape-shifter. Hes too good for the job he hastoo good for her, reallybut he doesn't think so. He loves her.
The problem is that hes married. And to a good woman. Linda despises herself for wanting the husband of another woman. But what can you do if you truly love someone? How can you banish a feeling that is stronger than the darkness thats eating you from the inside out?
Youre making a bloody bags of it, the demon growls in contempt. Do ye want me to change at Baker Street?
Linda shrinks in fear, moves her hips faster. Shes picked up enough slang to feel nausea at the innocuous-sounding euphemism. Her extra effort seems to allay his anger; at least theres no more coded talk of turning her over.
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